In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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