How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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