Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
