I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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