How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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