life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Randomize
