turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
