I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
