why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
