Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
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Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
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No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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