Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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