I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
