I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Randomize
