I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I want to fling myself into the sun
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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