Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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