so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
