my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
