That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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