I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
