:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
