Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
