he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
