11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
