sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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