Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
