i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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