I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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