so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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