i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
