what day is it and did you see me today?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
