Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
