"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
