You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
