Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
