I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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