Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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