addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
40s are totally the cure
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
