I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
