is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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