I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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