I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
