i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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