Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
