Don't you send me to vm
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
