Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
