he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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