shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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