I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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