I wish I could punch you in the face.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
