Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
