my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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