ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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