good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
