well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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