Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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