Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
