Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
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my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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