also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Randomize
