I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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