dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
