So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
did you just send me my own nude
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
