What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
