We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
