Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
