Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He better not be in your backpack
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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