sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
