one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
