These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
