you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize