I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
