Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
