Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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