He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
