My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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